Why men don’t write advice columns

Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s …

Microsoft meets haiku

In Japan, Sony Vaio machines have replaced the unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Japanese haiku poetry. Each only 17 syllables, in the 5-7-5 format.  ————————— A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. The web site you seek Cannot be located but Countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall …

The Pope and the rabbi

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have …

Why the 16th century was so different

 Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.  Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. …

Best caddy comments

Best Caddy Comment #10 Golfer: “I played lousy today. I feel like drowning myself in the lake.” Caddy: “I don’t think you can keep your head down that long.” Best Caddy Comment #9  Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.” Best Caddy Comment #8  Golfer: …

How to write a blues song

1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning.” 2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ‘less you stick something nasty in the next line, like ” I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.” 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find …

8 thoughts to ponder

Number 8: Life is sexually transmitted. Number 7: Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 6: Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. Number 5: Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a …

The Evanescent Horse

from  “Franny and Zooey” by J.D. Salinger… Duke Mu of Chin said to Po Lo: “You are now advanced in years. Is there any member of your family whom I could employ to look for horses in your stead?” Po Lo replied: “A good horse can be picked out by its general build and appearance. But the superlative horse– one …

Andy Rooney won’t like this

This will test your convictions. It was presented by the late Andy Rooney, an 82-year-old commentator on “60 Minutes.” I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out …

Only an Italian man can make you feel like a woman

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. ‘I’m too young to die’, she wails. Then she yells, ‘Well, if I’m going to …

A search for meaning

What then is meaning? It’s a personal reason for our existence. It’s a reason to get out of bed in the morning. It is not a matter of searching for some ethereal, profound, and mysterious meaning, but merely of choosing what to dedicate our life to, for the purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. In other …

The magical singer

The woman looked poor, dressed as she was in layers of rags to keep out the cold winds of winter. She was of indeterminate age, her hair bound up in another of her rags. But she looked the noodle vendor in the eye while she told him that she had no money to pay for his noodles yet she was …

The Tale of the Odd Bead

Chris (Christine Michaels) was traveling in Kenya and, as usual, was shopping. In the Masai Mara, there are no malls. Instead, shopping is done predominantly in the open marketplaces. Of course, being a typical female, she immediately gravitated to the jewelry stalls. The Masai are expert craftsmen at creating exquisite beaded jewelry. One particular bracelet caught Chris’ attention and, without …

An old man who lost his axe

From the Tao ….  One day a man found that his axe was missing, and suspected his neighbour’s son of having taken it. Observing the youth walking around, the man was convinced that his was the walk of a thief. The youth looked like a thief and talked like a thief; everything he did pointed to his having stolen the …

Lunatic at the Table

When the German naturalist Alexander von Humboldt told a friend, a Parisian doctor, that he wanted to meet a certifiable lunatic, he was invited to the doctor’s home for supper. A few days later Humboldt found himself sitting at the dinner table between two men. One was polite, somewhat reserved and did not go in for small talk. The other, dressed …

A Safe Place to Hide

In bullfighting there’s a place in the ring where the bull feels safe. If he can reach this place he can stop running and gather his full strength. He’s no longer afraid. From the point of view of the matador this is when the bull becomes dangerous. This place in the ring is different for every bull. It is the …

Oh, those X-ray eyes

Al Pacino told the following story: “During one of my performances I made a connection with a pair of eyes in the audience, and I thought, ‘This is incredible; these eyes are penetrating me.’ I went through the whole performance just relating to those eyes, giving the whole thing to those eyes.”When curtain call came, I looked in the direction …